Dear Mom,

I left you years ago. I still feel bad about it but it was the only way. I was not the person you thought I was and I couldn't be what you wanted. I chose my own path. It was very hard for me to face you so I disappeared. I know you must be disappointed. Don't be.

I just hope that the adage “every parent wants their children to be happy” holds true for you too. I do believe it holds true for you, too. But you're too old. Your worldview does not match mine. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...

I didn't mean to get mean here sorry. I'm also sorry for the bad pun. Totally unintended. Let's get back on track: I am happy. I am a completely different person from you and I am a completely different person from what you wanted me to be, a.k.a what YOU wanted to be. No, I don't have degrees. No, I don't have a “good” job, nor “achievements”. I won't have children and you won't be a grandma. But I am happy. And that has to be worth something.

I was lost. I kept trying to be something you had imagined, something vague and a moving target. When I realized I can never be that, then I was finally free. But you would never understand. Or so I thought. Now I hope you do. And I hope you forgive me.

I am tired of being judged by other people's standards. I am me. I know that at times one can't see clearly inside himself but fuck it, sometimes I know what I want and how I feel. I am tired of doubting myself, doubting my wants and my feelings.

I want to be something different and I don't fit into this world. Friends are those who accept me. Family are those who support me.

I hope I can still consider you family,


Your child.